I didn't think anyone was reading anymore and then someone told me to post about Quartermania on the Blog.  So I thought I would do that and catch you up a bit on what has been going on.

I still miss Craig very much.  As I am typing this I am having a rush of feelings and fighting back some tears.  It is hard for me to believe it has been 3 years.  Where does the time go?  I have tried to move on in my life, I have in some respects and not in others.  Life for me will never, ever be the same.  I feel like I have lost "friends" but I have also gained a few.  Death is an adjustment that one can NEVER really prepare yourself for no matter how hard you try.  I am much more lonely than I ever thought I would be.  It is truly a couples world and although I have friends that have been very gracious in including me in their lives, I still feel alone, even when I am out....I don't know if that even makes sense to anyone reading this.  But, I am finding my way and healing.

Emily and Kyle are the highlights of my life.  I just wished they lived closer.  Madison is not easy to get to for me.  A 6 hour car ride is about 2 hours to long for me to do by myself, although I have done it a couple of times.  No direct flight either.  But they love Madison and enjoy every minute I get to spend with them and my granddog Hazel.  Emily and I are getting closer and closer and that makes me smile.  I know Craig would be happy too.

Now about Quartermania.  I am still honoring my promise to Craig and I will be hosting Quartermania again this year on OCTOBER 6, 2012 at St. Roberts Church on First Capital in St. Charles.  (the same place as last year)  I am looking for donations if you are interested please email me at cskozicki@gmail.com  I am looking for themed gift baskets or gift cards.  If you can help me out please let me know.

Thanks for listening...

Believing....Shelly

We did it!  We raised about $15,000 to help find a cure for mesothelioma!  Thank you to everyone who helped make this event a reality.  Whether you wrapped a basket, collected quarters or attended this event would not have been complete without you.  So CHEERS to each one of you.

I will be going to Washington DC again in June to present this check to the Meso Foundation. This brings Craig's Grant total to over $225,000. All I can say is WOW!  That is a testament to my friends and family for supporting me in my efforts.  As many of you know I told Craig that he would not die in vain and I would keep fighting until a cure was found and I could not do that without your help...so once again, thank you!

While in DC, I will once again try to talk to Missouri's Congressman and Senator about banning the importing of asbestos into the United States and the need for research money.  Wish me luck!  Capitol Hill is not always receptive and they tend to shake your hand and say they hear you, but I usually leave there wondering if they really do.......

Thanks you again from the bottom of my heart!

Believing in a cure,

Shelly

Well it is that time again.  Time for Quartermania!!  Get your quarters and dollars ready for a great time and also a time to help find a cure for mesothelioma.

As many of you know, I promised Craig that I would continue to help find a cure for this disease.  Quartermania is one of the fundraisers that helps me do just that.  Here are the details.

Where:       St. Roberts Church   1424 First Capitol Drive   St. Charles, MO
When:         Doors open at 6 pm 
Why:            To raise LOTS of money and have LOTS of fun in hopes of finding a cure for meso!
What:           For those who have never been to Quartermania let me try to explain.

Quartermania is a fast paced "auction".  We have collected and assembled about 80-100 baskets and donations valued from $10 - $150.  Each person is given an auction paddle and their corresponding number is dropped into a bucket. 

Each item is then given a value it could be as little as quarter or some maybe a $1.00 some rarely are higher.  Then we start holding up items.  If you would like a chance at the item you drop your money in the basket at your table (honor system) and then hold up your auction paddle.  We then start pulling numbers.  If we pull your number you win!

Unlike trivia nights is a quick moving night.  Cost is $10 per ticket which includes some light food and soft drinks.  You can also bring anything you want into the event.  TABLES OF 8 CAN BE RESERVED.

Please email me for tickets as soon as possible as this event has sold out in the past.  I hope to see you there.  Thanks!

cskozicki@gmail.com

Believing,]

Shelly

I just returned from Madison visiting Emily and Kyle.  It would have been Craig's 55th birthday on March 6.  So Emily and I celebrated by shopping for US!  Craig would have loved that...he never wanted anything anyways.  So I know he would have loved to have seen us having a wonder mother-daughter day.  Lunch and shopping with lots of memories and laughing and very few tears.

Time is healing both of us. 

I am leaving in a couple of weeks to go to Aruba with my siblings.  All of us will be spending a week together with no other agenda.  I can't wait.  We never do that anymore.  We always have a wedding or worse yet a funeral pulling us together.  So now it will just be for FUN!  With 4 of us living in 3 states it is not easy to get together anymore "just because".  So this should be an awesome week.

I told you I would let you know more about the QUARTERMANIA!!  Well it is happening.

When:  May 21, 2011
Where:  St. Robert Catholic Church  1424  First Capital Drive  St. Charles, MO  63303
Why:  To fund Craig's research grant and help find a cure for mesothelioma.

How to get involved----PLEASE---COME to the event.  Ticket are $10 

If you can donate an item (gift cards, themed items, etc.) or a basket to be raffled that I would be so grateful.  Please contact me at cskozicki@gmail.com for tickets or donations.

Believing. 

Shelly

Shelly,
 
I couldn’t find another way to contact you, so thank you for contacting me. 
 
You see, I recently spent several hours “with you” recently reading your blog from start to finish -- and then the various web listings I saw you (and sometimes your husband) when you appeared for the MARF   (My late husband had Meso and passed 11/18/2002.)
 
I began reading it because I noted your husband’s name listed on the MARF magazine with so many large donor amounts in his name to MARF.  I wondered who he was and why so many were inspired to give so much.  I wondered if I could have done better to raise funds.
 
Then I wondered how your husband was able to survive so long.  (My husband died 5 months after diagnosis and he only had mild symptoms a few months earlier.  We tried valiantly and went from New York to Houston in our short journey.)
 
Then I read it all the way your through to the end to see what your book was going to be about.   I would like to read a story that turned out quite differently than ours had – but I guess it is the same in the end.  I’ll be one of your first purchasers.
 
So, really, I wanted to say that I admire what you have accomplished, that your pain is the path I’ve been down and I commiserate with you, and if it helps at all: in the years to come, you will find yourself smiling every time you think of him with far, far less pain and sadness.
 
I also wanted you to know that I really believe in your Craig bird story as I have a similar story centered around dimes.  I’ll tell you more if you’re interested.  I still get my “messages.”
 
Chris Hahn and Roger know me as Cathy Dorf.  Herb Dorf was my late husband.  I remarried last year.  Oddly enough, two months later I was diagnosed with a rare and deadly liver cancer -- for which I miraculously lived through after its removal.  That was not the anticipated result but I was fortunate and am grateful.  No one knows why but I have to wonder as there are some ties to the oil drilling that they are doing “near” where I was living then as that has become our new normal.  Too many children were found to have leukemia during that time and I have to wonder if they used benzene, a known cause of many things, including liver cancer.
 
I would love to hear back from you and perhaps I’ll make the next Symposium and actually meet you.  To you, Shelly, I raise my glass.  Bravo for your fundraising, your courage, your website, and your book!
 
Cathy Dalton

Well, 2010 has been my first full year without Craig by my side.  I have experience all of the holidays, birthdays, weddings and funerals throughout this past year....and I survived!!  God knows if I could have MY way I would reverse the clock to pre 1998 before cancer entered my life and just restart my life from there, but I can't and I have to move on and I am.....doing the best that I can.

 Emily and Kyle were in from Wisconsin with their dog Hazel.  It was a beautiful white Christmas and we recalled fun memories about past Christmas's and the funny things that Craig use to do that made us laugh.  I was happy they we able to stay for about 9 days!!   We saw a lot of each other and Emily and I had mother and daughter time too...the best gift of all.

For all of you that know me well...my tree was down and Christmas was over on December 27.  Emily and Kyle had my tree taken down and then helped me with the rest of the decoration before they left.  This was a huge help!

It was hard for me to say goodbye when they drove off.  We have always had another trip planned to see each other, but not this time.  I know it will not be long, it just not knowing for sure when the next time will be.  We talk often, but it just isn't the same as a hug.  I miss having her here....

2011....

Wanting to continue to grow and get stronger.  That is what I want for me.  I NEED that for myself.  People ask me why I don't move back to Michigan.  My answer is that I have family in Michigan that may retire soon and I am afraid they will move and leave me there!!  Here I have friends that love me and are like family and treat me like family, so I don't want to move.

I am going to go to Aruba in March...yippee. My siblings and their spouses are going with me.  I can't wait.  I can't tell you the last time we have all gotten together for something just fun with no outside agenda.  I think we will have a blast.

June will be another Meso symposium in Washington DC.  You can count on me being there! I will continue to be a voice for those who can no longer speak.  I also like to see everyone come together, it is like a little reunion, although it is sad too. Continuing to raise funds for Craig's Grant is very important to me.  There is very strong talk about a Quartermania in May.  Further information about that will be forthcoming.  Thanks again for all those that contributed in 2010!!  (link at top on page for those that still want to)    you know me I will always ask 

May all of you have a healthy, happy 2011.

BELIEVING

Shelly



 

Congratulations to team Clodding for Craig!!  I will try to capture a truly an amazing adventure if I can, but first I would like to thank my daughter Emily and nephew Scott for pulling this together and somehow getting every detail covered.

All of the team, including the support team, arrived sometime on Thursday the 18 th.  During the day 2 large 11 person passenger vans were coordinated to be picked up at the airport and then all day long the team of 15  well were picked up, fed, or dropped off at hotels until about 11:00pm.

Friday at 6:00 am the vans then started to pick up the team at 2 hotels and head to Scott's for final preparation before we actually headed off on our trip to New Port Richey (new Clearwater).  We all finally saw each other as a family/friends for the first time so there were plenty of hugs and kisses to go around.  But we were on a tight schedule because we had a 10:00 am start and we had a 2 hour drive ahead of us.  We made sure that the vans were packed with the essentials (which Scott had already done) but a quick double check and we were on way.  Two vans full of anticipation, excitement and chatter.

We arrived at the check in point.  It had large orange Ragnar balloons, tents and many people buzzing around.  I quickly found my way to the shopping tent!  I bought a sweatshirt to remember this event, just in case I should ever get dementia .  Many teams were milling about getting ready for the big start.  We took pictures and then we wondered over to the start line.  Our excitement grew.  Our first runner, Melissa, my nephew Joe's fiancee, was our first runner.  She stretched and I placed Craig's ashes around her neck...yes, Craig would be running as well.

They began the countdown 5,4,3,2,1 .  Then with all of screaming and yelling Melissa took those first steps of what was to be over 200 miles of running.......in Craig's memory and for a cure.  

Wow, my family I thought, I am truly blessed.

We then went and tried to meet each runner along their path and cheer them on if possible.  The roads were everything from trails to highways.  Pastures and through some bad neighborhoods.  But each time the runners pressed on without complaint.  Muscles grew tighter with each leg of the race, sleep deprivation was tougher on them then they thought it was going to be. I suggested getting a hotel for a few hours.  Each van then got only about 3 hours of sleep and a quick shower, but never was a runner off the road.  One van was at the hotel, while the other van was out with their runners.  Pressing on as Craig did...always getting it done.

It was now Saturday afternoon. Exhaustion was peaked, but van 1 had finished, all their runners were done and headed for the finish line at Daytona.  Van 2 was out still pounding away.  The anticipation was great as we waited for them.  We called for status updates.  Kyle, Kevin, Frank, Holly,Scott were now done, we were just waiting for Emily to come down the boardwalk.  The sun was setting quickly and as each team crossed we anticipated seeing her.

Finally, off in the distance we saw her headlamp turn the corner.  Up the boardwalk she came and at a good pace too.  Everyone started cheering and the team ran to meet her.  As a team united in Craig's memory, they started running up the boardwalk, then up some stair and across the finish line.  They did it!!  Over 200 miles in 31 hours and 24 minutes at pace of 9 minutes and 24 seconds per mile. AMAZING!

I know Craig would be busting with pride and humbled by the outpouring of support once again.  I would like to again thank each and everyone of you who participated in this adventure.  It is something I will never forget.  Emily and Scott thank you especially for all of your hard work.  To all of those who have donated to help finding a cure thank you.  You can still donate to this cause and help fund Craig's grant.  http://app.www.curemeso.org/fundraising/kozickigrant

BELIEVING

Shelly

As some of you know Oct. 25 would have been mine and Craig's 30th anniversary.  I decided to go to New England to see Bob and Kathy Thomson and Joan and Frank McCarthy for about 5 days during that time.  I had a wonderful time.  The color of the trees where still amazing.  I went to Newburyport, NH and it brought back instant memories of day trips I use to take with Emily when she was a toddler;  she and I would get ice cream and she loved to run around and chase the pigeons. 

I had lobster 3 times...YUM!!  I spent time with Mike and Katie Thomson which was special and John McCarthy who plays for the San Jose Sharks, scored his first NHL goal!!!  Very cool.  Thanks for a wonderful time everyone.

Now I am preparing for the really big holidays again....

Last years were tough as you can only imagine.  This year I know will be easier as time does heal.  I never thought that statement was true, but it is.  You NEVER forget, but you hold on to the memories and cherish them.  Songs, smells, certain things (snap candy for example) instantly make me think of Craig) .  I day does not go by that I do not still think of him several time.  I still cry sometimes too, but I am moving on and living my life like Craig wanted me too.  

I know this years holidays will be different yet again.  Emily & Kyle are in Madison, WI and I will not be spending Thanksgiving with them...another first.  But we will be together for her birthday the following week and for Chirstmas.  Also we will be together for the event below the week prior.

I would like you to ready the event below and if you would like to send a donation to Craig's 3rd Grant, thank you!  We have already raised $3,000 and would like to raise much more.  If you have not heard Craig's Grant is still moving forward with promise.  It is also finding success for ovaian cancer.  I am so proud of all the hard work and dedication of my friends and family that continue to support this much needed funding! 

My daughter Emily and my nephew Scott have organized an event in honor of Craig. For those of you who don't know, my husband Craig passed away last year from Mesothelioma after a courageous 11 year fight with this disease. Over the years we have participated in and hosted numerous fundraisers and events, but since his passing have wanted to do something different that is more representative of Craig's heroic battle and his passion for life.

Emily and Scott came up with the idea to participate in the Ragnar Relay - a 12 person relay race in Central Florida in which the team will run 202 miles consecutively over approximately 34 hours. Each member of the team will run between 9 and 23 miles on the journey from Port Richey to Daytona. For more information on the race itself, follow this link: www.ragnarrelay.com/race/florida

Although the physical accomplishment of this feat is amazing to me, it is the makeup of the team itself that touched my heart. This idea was sent out in an email to some close family and friends and within in days, the team roster was full of both runners and volunteers alike. The team will consistent of people from all corners of this country who are coming together to remember Craig and raise awareness about this awful disease.

The team name Clodding for Craig was picked by Emily. Emily and her dad used to run together when she was younger and loved to laugh about how they would both "clod" along. The name though means more than that. The idea of "clodding" along slowly and painfully, but with great stamina and determination to finish, describes not only how Craig ran, but how he fought his battle with cancer. It also depicts that attitude that is inspiring the team during training and soon, on race day.

I am asking my fellow friends and family to support this amazing event in an effort to help raise awareness for Mesothelioma. With your help, we will be one step closer to finding a cure. Please make a donation by following the link below for Craig's 3rd grant, which is being kick started by this exciting race being run by many of Craig's loved ones and supporters. I thank you all in advance for your continued support.

All tax deductable donations can be sent directly to.www.curemeso.org/fundraising/kozickigrant   (cut & paste)


BELIEVING.
.
Shelly

Ol' bloggie is older and grayer but still kicking. 

The site has been modified on the front page to reflect at the very top Craig Kozicki's 3rd Grant.

The link on the toolbar on the vertical menu on the left side of the page will take you to the curemeso link for the grant.

For those of you subscribing who may not visit the blog page all that often, it's www.craigkozicki.com 

Here's the direct link that's the same as the link on the left side vertical menu:  http://www.curemeso.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=280040&supid=301638356

So, please follow this simple three step process:

1)  Get your debit card out of your wallet / purse.
2)  Sell everything you never use any more on e-bay or craigslist (Brad you can sell that old truck to the Smithsonian by now for more than you originally paid for it) and donate
2)  Go to the link.
3)  Put what you can spare towards the grant

Ok that's more marketing than Shelly would want me to put on the blog but you get the idea.

Separately, we'll be publishing details here as they get worked out regarding the next Quartermania and any other fundraisers towards the grant!

Hope all is great with all of you.

Tom

Emily and Kyle finally sold their condo...YEAH!!  I went up to WI to see them last week.  It was a nice visit.  Both of them ran in a half marathon.  It was Emily's first time and she did a great job.  She finished in 2:12, 3 minutes under her projected time, so she was very happy. 

Kyles brother Brent ran too, so Mike and Jan (Kyle's parents)  were up there as well, along with Brent's girlfriend Ann.  It was nice to see everyone.  It has been a very long time since we have all been together.

I did have alone time with Emily which I was hoping for but wasn't thinking would happen.  We spent Sunday together looking at their new home, shopping, eating fancy chocolates and saw the move--Eat, Pray, Love.  We then had dinner with Kyle.  It was a great day.

A few weeks ago I had a get together with several Solutia friends.  I feel blessed that they still want to get together with me and even though Craig is gone they care about me.  We always have fun and enjoy our time together.  This time we had a Low Country Boil dinner.  It was delicious!!  Shrimp, corn, potatoes, beans, mushrooms, onions, boiled and literally thrown on the table to be eaten.  Fun was had by all.

I went to Ohio in July and I am heading back this weekend to see Mary Jane and Loring.  Mary Jane is a meso patient that has been in remission for 6 yrs. YEAH!!  We will be boating, jet skiing and having way too much fun.  A good send off to the summer.

The third $100,000 Craig Kozicki Memorial Grant is about ready to have it's kick-off.  It will be kicked off in an amazing way.  One that I am most proud of.  Emily has always wanted to do something to honor her father, but she could never quite figure out exactly what would capture all her dad went through.  She and my nephew found an organized run that is 205 miles long and spans the state of Florida.  It starts in Clearwater and ends in Daytona.

TEAM:  Emily, nephews Scott, Frank, John, son- in-law Kyle, nieces, Mandi, Holly, Katie,Melissa, brother-in-law Mike, Caitlin and Kevin very special friends.   With support van drivers drivers: brother Doug, nephew Joe niece Laurie, cousin Amy (also a masseuse!).  Cooking a fabulous dinner for all of us is my sister Linda and niece Martha (7 months pregnant). 

We will be coming from Nevada, Colorado, Missouri, Michigan, North Carolina,Wisconsin as well as Florida to run in Craig's memory and fund meso research.

I wanted to give you some insight as to why Emily, along with the help of my nephew, chose this run.  Emily wanted to find an event that would somehow signify Craig's battle with cancer.  This run is 205 miles long and will take over 33 hours for our team of 12 runners to complete.  It will be a commitment of time and a struggle of endurance.  It will be a challenge and at times lonely as they run throughout the night.  It will be painful as all runners will be pushing themselves, some will be running longer than they ever have before.  The shortest distance a runner will run is 13.1 miles, the longest distance will be 22.3 miles. 

I know when Craig started chemo, after his first treatment he said "Well, I'm 16% finished."  I can't help but think that if he were running, he would be thinking in percentages.  I know he will be with each of them as they train and run.  I know he would be proud...I sure am.  To have my family come from all over the country to participate in something like this is beyond words.  I am so happy that each one of my siblings or one of their children has committed to this....It has touched my heart.

So to the whole team....train hard, be safe and remember you have an angel looking out for you!!

Believing...in a cure

Shelly

p.s.  I will have further information but a new website is dedicated to Craig's 3rd Grant.  Donations can be sent to:

http://www.curemeso.org/fundraising/kozickigrant 

All donations are tax deductable.  Please feel free to pass this along to anyone!!  Thanks

Whew...where has the summer gone!  I can't believe it is already starting the 2nd week of August.  It has been a HOT one here is St. Charles!!  I have been keep fairly busy though. The symposium in June was really great, as I stated in earlier posts. I had family in and more is coming. My sister Phyllis is coming in Sept. and bringing my mom.  She is dropping her off and then I will have her for 2 weeks.

Emily & Kyle are running a 1/2 marathon in 2 weeks and I will be going up to WI to root them on.  But that is not all they are doing. With the help of my nephew Scott they are doing something quite AMAZING.  They are participating in a run called the Ragnar Run.  It is 205 miles that goes across the STATE of Florida, from Clearwater to Daytona!!  They are doing this in Memory/Honor of Craig. To symoblize the pain, stuggle and yes triumphs he indured during his battled with mesothelioma.  It get even better.

The team is made up of 12 runners...my family!  From all over the country are coming in to run and be support van drivers.  It brings tears to my eyes still.  I have amazing family and friends.  The team will be running for approx. 33 straight hours!! 

The runners are not going to be able to fundraise for this event but I am hoping I will be able to help get sponsors as they are running and training every chance they get. 

Also a QUARTERMANIA...yes you heard me QUARTERMANIA is in the works for February, March or April.  Still looking for a hall that will hold 300-350 people.  Do you know of any....especially one that would be donated??  I have one but it is $600.

FUNDRAISING.....why??  You may be asking yourself why am I still fundraising.  Well, I would like to tell you.  Firstly, I promised Craig I would keep fighting to help find a cure and at this point I can still do fundraising.  At some point I may just write checks (which I do), but for now I can do SO much more and I also think by fundraising it spreads awareness.  Plus, it is a great way to see all of you and I think you seem to have fun!!

Secondly, I have so many people I love that are still battling this horrific disease.  I hope that I (we) can fund research that may help find a cure or medication to extend their lives.

That leads me to my prayer request. Robbie Cagel's disease is active and he calls Craig his hero.  I am devasted. Please keep him and his wife Jill and his family in your prayers.

BELIEVING....Shelly

p.s.  One more Prayer request.  Another dear friend just found out she has breast cancer yesterday...her name is Kathy.  Thank!

Hi!  Been a long time since I was on here and a lot has happened since.  I am so glad you keep so busy Shelly and are living life!  You have made it through the storm and it has made you stronger.  I sure miss seeing you.

I wanted to attach some photos for all who are missing them

Owen is now 4 and getting ready for school in the Fall.  He will be a young 5, but that kid is so smart and socially ready they are putting him in kindergarten this year.  Here is is latest photo.




Everett is 2 and full of energy.  He looks a lot like his mother.  This doesn't show it, but his eyes are blue as the sky!



Here is the family - Frank - Mandy - Owen and Everett.  Doesn't this photo just make you smile???



Devon is 2.5 now and loads of fun.  Here he is swimming with Daddy.




Vanessa is 1.5 yrs and  just a doll.  Here she is with Devon (couldn't get her swimming photo) They are just too sweet for words.




That's about it - just was thinking of you all and wanted to share.

Love,
Phyllis

It was so nice to see a blog entry!!

I know exactly how you feel about "things" that  were Craig's.  But I know he would INSIST that they be thrown away.  His motto was "If you haven't used it in a year, pitch it."  Some things were only 6 months!!  Needless to say my house was not and still is not very cluttered.  

I can't begin to tell you how much I value my continued relationship with Craig's work friends.  They continue to include me  in dinner invitations and check in on me and offer to help me, which I think is incredible.  I have some "friends" that live less than a mile away that I have lost contact with....breaks my heart.  You find out  who your true friends are, that is for sure.  The ones you least expect step up are the ones that do.

BIG NEWS!!!!

After years of going to Washington DC and talking and talking we finally had a breakthrough!!  Last week we got enough Congressmen signatures (50 one from each state) to sign the HR 771 Resolution making September 26 (i think) NATIONAL MESOTHELIOMA AWARENESS DAY!!!! 

So you may be thinking to yoursel  "What is the big deal about having a National Meso Day?"  Well, it means that each one of us has sat down with our Congressman and explained what Mesothelioma is and told them our personal story and the dangers of asbestos and they LISTENED!!  I personally have been to Todd Akins office and for years and this is the 1st thing he has done for me.  It is a baby step, but it is a step in the right direction.  This also means, that on that day we can and will be able to approach news stations, papers, etc with our stories and push for more awareness because now it is a Nationally recognized day.  I am REALLY excited, this has been a lot of hard work by so many people and I am proud of everyone involved for not giving up.  Our fight has just begun!!! On to the BAN of asbestos coming across our borders.  (don't even get me started....)

About Deb R.  Deb held the trivia night for Craig and has always supported us.  I know if he were here he would have the right word to help her.  I have tried to reach out to her, however she is a very private person.  So please keep her and her family in your prayers.  She is, as you can imagine, very frighten and needs support.  I think of her often and wish I could do more.

I am going to Ohio to Mary Jane and Loring, Robbie and Jill, and all of the European cruise friends in Ohio.  I am really looking forward to seeing them, it will be a great time.  Patti is also riding with me.  MJ has a house on a lake and so do the rest of people (friends) we went on the cruise with, so  it is a cruise union. 

I guess that is it for now.  Don't be afraid to blog back.

BELIEVING......  Shelly

p.s.  hi Karen Jacobs....We did it!! Tell your mom about HR 771 maybe that will help brighten her day!

Hello to anyone still getting the blogs. 

I MISS CRAIG!  Okay that is truth!  There are so many things that my mind wonders to "if Craig was here he would ____."  His business balance was respected by both salaried and hourly.  One guy told me that if he ranted and raved Craig would come up after the meeting and sit down with him and talk it through - allowing the guy to keep his opinion and yet stating the "sane" things! 

I had a dream a few weeks ago and Craig "walked through" the dream - I knew I was dreaming because I thought "this isn't true Craig is not here anymore."

I also decided to clean up my "Craig" email folder.  It had almost 3,000 emails.  I started the folder when Craig had to stay in the NYC hospital for 6 months - can't remember if it was 2006 or 2007.  So, I clicked into the folder and selected all and then stopped and thought "do I really delete these."  I decided yes and with one click they were gone.  I wasn't getting rid of "him," but I knew if he could talk to me he would tell me to get rid of that.  He didn't like clutter, and (I remember he cleaned out a kitchen drawer for Shelly and threw all her current coupons out LOL

Deb R one of Craig's closest work friends is battling lung cancer - she was diagnosed the Tuesday after Craig's celebration of life.  She has been valiantly fighting.  Last two scans the cancer is growing, her chemo has been switched twice in two months.  As she goes through this I think, if Craig was here he would be a HUGE help to her, he would advise her and help her face the news of growth and then encourage her to keep trying and to not give up.  So please pray for healing for our friend.

Shelly came to the plant and took me to lunch the end of March, she drove Craig's sports car, had cute jeans on, her hair pulled back, and sunglasses on - - - the security guard wanted to know if she was "MY DAUGHTER."  What a great laugh and compliment to her - she is lookin good

Emily & Kyle, so glad to hear updates on you from your Mom.  I'm praying for the condo to sell - wish I could buy it

Still praying and believing!
Carol<><

I just wanted to let everyone know it was a wonderful 4th of July here.  I hope everyone had a great weekend as well.  I had great family time, complete with a water balloon fight!!  The weather could not have been more perfect upper 80's and no humidity.  We played tennis,barbecued, shopped and basically packed about as much as we could into a couple of days as we could have.

Emily & Kyle went to Chicago for the weekend and had a great time as well.  Hazel does not like fireworks...   I wish their condo would sell so they could get into their new home and settle in and Hazel would have a yard too.  The apartment life does not sound like much fun for them.

Well that is it.

Believing.... Shelly

I am excited because I am having company in for the 4th of July.  My sister Linda, brother in law Mike, niece in law Holly and 4 great nephews, Michael, Nick, River and Grey!

YEAH!!  It has been along time since I have had a family party.  I have been shopping and cooking and planning.  They will only be here about 2 1/2 days but I think I bought enough food for 12 days!  If anyone wants to stop by on Saturday afternoon, please do.

Believing,

Shelly

p.s.  I hope everyone read blog entry "Still Here"  not just "Forgot Something" so you are caught up.. 

Craig's Grant is still moving forward!!!!  I talked to Dr. Ho and he is going to email with the progress.  But it is still promising.  I can not tell you how exciting this is.  This has been being studied now for about 2 years and is still moving forward. 

Can you imagine if this grant, "The Craig Kozicki Grant", had an impact on slowing this disease down or possibly curing it!  Just what that have learned about the disease from THIS grant is amazing and if were not for ALL you that helped me to get it done, this grant would never have happened.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only from me, but I can tell you from each and every person I met that has been touched by this horrific disease.

This blog is WAY overdue.  I have had several people ask me if I had quit blogging....the answer is no!  I really do have quite a bit to catch you up on so sit back and enjoy one my usual blogs.

Let see...Emily is officially moved to WI and is "settled" in to her "cozy" one bedroom apartment until her condo sells.  So if anyone knows of anyone interested in a cute condo near Forest Part in St. Louis, we happen to have one that is just right for you!!!  She seems to like her new job, but misses Kiyle and Hazel terribly.  Kyle will be done with school at the end of this week and will finally be able to pack up some of his things and move up there too.  His class won't start until late August or Sept. so he will be working part time.  They are both training for a half marathon.  Life is good for them

This is my first father's day without my dad.  I have to say it was a bit strange.  I missed calling him.  The day just doesn't have the same meaning when you don't have a father...I know this day is just another day for Emily and I.  We did go and spend the day with Jan and Mike Steele, so she spent it with her father-in-law whom she loves, and I do to, so that was nice. 

A bit of some more sad news.  Craig's dad went into Intensive Care today as well.  He fell late last week and was getting weaker and weaker.  After speaking to Ted, (Craig's brother who takes care of his dad) he told me he was having some blood in his urine, so I thought it was a good idea for him to take him to the hospital asap...this was on Sat.  Turns out he has a collapsed lung!  But I am still not sure if this is were the blood is coming from, I am just glad he is in the hospital.  More news to follow....

The Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation Symposium was held in Washington DC again this year.  It was there 10th anniversary.  It was filled with big news.  The foundation is moving to DC so it can be more visible and have a bigger voice on the hill.  It also has a new Executive Director.  Her name is Kathy and she is replacing Chris Hahn after his ten year tenor.  I think this will be a good thing for the foundation.  The move be a huge benefit and the new director has worked for nonprofits in the past and seems to be endorsed by the all Board of Directors and Staff I was able to talk to.

I personally made my FIRST baby step forward in Congress.  We as the Foundation are trying to get a National Mesothelioma Awareness Day on the calender.  It may not seem like much, but to have a day recognized each year allows so much more visibility and awareness.  So when I went and spoke to Todd Akins second in command for the 3rd year, I told her that I would like to have him co-sponsor this bill.  I also said that I would really appreciate it if she would share Craig's story and I had some facts for her to share about asbestos and expose that she was unaware, she agreed to share these with the Govenor as well .  I then asked if she could please have him get back to me in the next day or two.  WELL GUESS WHAT....HE DID!!!   And he sponsored the bill...YEAH!!!!!  My first visible success in Washington DC.  (we did other things too )

I was and still am very happy about that and hope to see that bill in front of Obama soon to be signed. 

As usual the symposium itself was very emotional.  Tribute day was especially tough.  I will never get use to just bringing Craig's picture instead of Craig there.  His name on the Tribute Wall still brings me to tears every time my eyes catch his name.  He is still spoke of as such an inspiration and those who weren't fortunate enough to have met him in person, tell me stories that other people have told them that give them the hope and fight to battle on. 

My book is going very slow....but is still being written.

I hope everyone has a wonderful, safe and blessed summer.  I will try to write more ofter.  You can post too!

BELIEVING....

Shelly

P.S.  For the 10th anniversary I am still $12,000 short for Craig's second grant.  If you would like to help me finish this grant, please visit www.curemeso.org.  You can then go to the Fundraising prompt on the lower right, click it.  Then you will see a list, my name is on it Shelly K,  Any amount will help.  I hope to do a fundraiser of some kind next year.  Thank you in advance for helping me keep my promise to Craig in helping spread awareness and find a cure.  Love, Shelly

Well...I am just checking in.  I am missing my dad today.  I have been working outside during the week and remember how much my dad liked planting flowers and working in the yard.  Craig always hated yard work...he did it, but would much rather be playing golf or just playing!!

I went to a fundraiser this weekend and bid on an Olympic Hockey Stick that is signed by all of the 2010 Silver Medalist American Team.  I WON!! (I out bid)  There are only 7 in the world so I think it is really cool that I have one.  All proceeds went to a "No Kill" animal shelter.  So my bid went to a good cause...right??

I sent my registration in for the Meso Symposium in Washington DC again this year.  I will be in charge of a breakout session again, I just am not sure which one yet...time is a tickin'....  The symposium is June 9-12 and I hope I have time to prepare for whatever it is that they would like me to do.

Emily got a really good job offer!!  She is very excited.  Now she and Kyle just have to sell their condo and all the pressure of moving is off.  Except for the actual move.  She seems to love the area and is excited about the new adventure.  I am going over to their home for a Mother's Day brunch---prepared loving by them...YUM!!  Nothing could be better than that. 

My book is going sooo slow.  It is hard for me to get motivated.  I working on it, but it is two steps forward, one step back.  I decided I am not going to rush myself.  I will get it done when I get it done. 

My fistulas keep coming and going.  I went to the doctor yesterday and he said I could have surgery now or wait and see....I choose to wait.  This has been going on since December so I figure, what's the rush.  My Chrohn's has been okay, but not great.

I started yoga, playing a bit of tennis and started to swing a golf club on occasion.  So I am trying to do some things for me now.  I guess that is about it.  Just giving you an update. 

I hope you are all doing well and having a great spring...... 


Believing

Shelly

Unknown Author:

I wish heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again...I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.  I thought of you yesterday, a day before that too.  I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.  All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.  Your memories a keepsake, from which I will never part.  God has you in his arms...I have you in my heart!

I will love him always.

Okay...I am going to start off venting and then I will be done I promise. 

Firstly, I lost my soul mate, then my crohn's disease becomes active again (which I am still battling), Emily and Kyle are moving and last week my dad passes away!!!  I GIVE!!!!  I know none of this is news to anyone of you who have been following the blog, but I have to just get it out there.....I am as mad (sad) as hell.  There I said it!

I know I can't do anything to change what has happened or what is going to happen, but I just needed to get it out there to my blog family.  I really am doing fine, I go back to the doctor in a couple of weeks and I should know more then.  It was nice to see my family even though the circumstances were not the best.  My mom seems so fragile.  My parent were married 65 years.  I hope she finds the will to overcome her loneliness, nobody but she can make that happen and at 83 I know that will be hard for her to do.  I do worry about her.


I am happy for Emily and Kyle, just sad for myself.....selfishly.  I know for them this will be such I wonderful time in their lives.  I hope they sell their condo soon and that she finds a good job.

I am planning on going back to Washington DC to the Mesothelioma Symposium in June again this year.   Once again this will be an event that is filled with mixed emotions for me.  I always leave there so frustrated.  I feel like I (we) keep delivering the same message to "stop importing asbestos" and to "please help fund research" but nothing changes year after year.  I hope in my lifetime I see change......

Well I guess I will get off of my pity party band wagon and go to bed     Thanks for reading.

believing

Shelly

I missed blogging for the anniversary because my home internet was cut by a backhoe and I didn't get it back for 7 days.  And, the server at work wll not allow the blog to be accessed.  The 1st was very strange for me - because at work I still find Craig's name on things - I went to the mail room and there was his name on a mailbox.  MThe most honest response I can give is I just miss my friend! 

Shelly, LInda, Phyllis, and family my prayers are with you.  I remember Pip dancing and having a great time when Shelly and Craig renewed their vows - he had such a great time that evening. 

God Bless,
Carol<><

  

To all our dear friends, I wanted to let you all know Shelly just called and her Dad has passed away. I do not know any details yet other than the services will be in Michigan. 

Shelly was able to get home, to Michigan. on an emergency flight and spend time with her Dad before he passed away. 

As soon as I know any details I will pass along. 

Please keep Shelly and all her family in your prayers.    

Phyllis and Linda, I am sending all my love and prayers to you all.  He was a special man. Take care of Yvonne. I told Shelly let me know if there is anything I can do. 

Love You all
Pam  

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SISSIE!!!!  Hope you have a wonderful day.  I will be thinking about you. 

Love you,

Phyl

Firstly, I would like to thank EVERYONE who called, emailed, blogged, sent a card or just remembered Craig yesterday.  Emily, Kyle and I were amazed at the number of people who remember us.

We went to pay for our lunch at Magpie's and Rhonda bought it for us.  We went to get massages and Jan called ahead and paid for those.  It was just one act of kindness after another...thank you.

Emily took the day off of work and we really had a nice day together.  We played tennis, which was so much fun, that we would like to try to do it more often.  Then like I said, we had lunch, got a massage, played with Hazel and then met Mike and Jan at one of Craig's favorite restaurants for an Italian dinner.  We reminisced throughout the day and laughed most of the time.

I think Emily and I both agree that one year is really no different than any other day.  It is just a day on the calendar.  Songs are still hard to hear.  Memories are still fresh in our minds and endeared in our hearts.  We will always love and miss him.  Holidays and things that he did will always be missed.  We will always feel sad that he will not be able to share in certain joys and milestones in our lives...Emily and Kyle's move, grandchildren, etc.

I know time does move forward.  Life does go on...........with a huge void in my heart.

Shelly

I still want to pick up the phone and take turns jabbing each other about vacation time, leaving early on Friday, the mistakes we made at work, or who was better at whatever. Well, I can't do that, but I know he's listening anyway. One day I hope I'll be up there with him drinking a beer - or a Grand Marnier, but for now I'll just have to drink his share myself.

Here's to you, Craig! Save us a seat.

Shelly - you could not have said it better.  I, too,  have been reflecting on Craig for the past few weeks.  It seems he is always on my mind.  It is so hard to believe a year has passed and still harder to accept he is no longer part of our (living) lives, but he will always be in our hearts and minds!  I miss him terribly.  He was a great Brother-in-law, Uncle and friend.  I will never find my way around St. Charles without his excellent directions!  He was so much fun.  I was just mentioning to Frank and Mandy on Sunday, how we would race to be the first one to make coffee in the morning, because he made TERRIBLE coffee and would just chuckle when I got there after him. I am thankful I had one last pot of his lousy coffee the last time I was with him.  We had lots of laughs over that.  He was so much fun to be around and what a big TEASER! I know I am not alone in my thoughts this week.  He is greatly missed.  My love to you and Em and Kyle.

I love you,

Phyllis

As I sit and think about this past year, it is hard for me not to think about the agony that Craig was in at this point.  It is hard to believe that you can love someone enough that you pray for them to go.  But I can remember it was about this time I was praying for Craig to stop fighting.  His courageous battle was over. 

His life inspired so many people then and still does today.  He was truly one of a kind.  He will always be my hero and a blessing in my life.  It saddens me when I think of his final days, but I am happy when I think of the time we did get to spend together.  He was such a wonderful, loving and tender husband.  He was the best father a child could ever want or need.  I am glad we traveled, entertained and made many friends on our journey as husband and wife.  I've been reading some books lately and some say that you tend to put your loved one on a "pedestal" and forget their bad habits and the things that annoyed you.  But I have to say except for Craig's figiting (tapping, channel changing, etc) he really was a great human being without many faults, whom I miss terribly.

He was the smartest man I ever knew.  The calm in a storm.  My rock.  My tender arms to run to when I was afraid.  My shoulder to cry on when I was scared.  Always made me laugh. He was a loving father. He was silly.  He was gentle.  He was kind.  He was fun.  He was spontaneous.  He was strong.  He was compassionate.  He was a hard worker.  He was dependable.  He was a high achiever.  He was respected.  He was loved.  He was liked.  He was a good friend.  He was a fair boss.  He was forgiving.  He was a fighter.  He was brave.  He was never selfish.  He was giving.  He was a good son.  He was a good brother.  He was good son in law.  He was the BEST husband.  HE WAS...............

He IS missed..............

Shelly

Tomorrow Craig would have turned 54.  It is still hard to believe that in a few short weeks a year will have past since his death.  Emily, Kyle and I have weather all of the "firsts" together, some have been easier then others.  Each of us hold different memories of the past in our hearts and remember different things that Craig did to make that holiday or "your day" special.  He did so many things that made just ordinary days special to me....  Craig will always be my soul mate and someone I was so blessed to have been married too.

Today has been an emotional day for me.  I have gone through boxes of pictures trying to find just the right one of Craig and Emily to put in a frame that says "Dad & Me" on it.  It is a beautiful frame and I wanted to do something for her to somehow remember this first.  I finally found one that I have always loved.  I took it to Target, enlarged it, cropped it and then made two copies, so I now have one framed for myself.  I also made "Cherry Wink" cookies.  These cookies have such a fun memories of Craig and Emily.  Each year at Christmas I make these cookies.  Craig and Emily would count, hide and tease each other about who ate more of these each and every year.  I hope she likes this little surprise.  I know while I was making them I reminisced about the Christmas cookie wars.  I know this was something we missed this year.  It is the little things that "get you" sometime.  Loss is funny that way.

Kyle and Emily are coming over late tonight and then they are going to sleep here.  We are then planning on going out to breakfast (unless I cook!)....probably going out!  Then we may go see the new Johnny Depp movie "Alice in Wonderland".  So tomorrow should be a nice day. 

Kyle and Emily are leaving to look for a new home in about 2 weeks.  It is official they will be moving to Madison, WI this summer.  I am so happy for them and glad they are following their dreams....but I will miss them beyond words.

Thank you to everyone who sent an email remembering Craig's birthday.  It meant a lot.  I have amazing friends and family.  It so nice to be loved and supported as much as I am.  I am blessed.

Believing....Shelly

It was 30 years ago today that Craig asked me to marry him.  It is hard to believe that it has been 30 years!!  I have had mixed feelings today, some happy some sad.  I am so happy that Craig asked me to marry him and that I had over 28 years of a wonderful, truly loving marriage.  I am sad when I think about the fact that Craig's life was cut so short and that we should have been happily married for many more years.  I am also sad when I think about the fact that Emily's children will never know what a wonderful "grandpa" Craig would have been.  He loved being a father so much and being a grandfather would have been such a joy to him as well.

Emily and Kyle are going to leave in mid March to start looking for a home in Madison WI.  They are very excited about this new phase in their lives.  I am so proud and happy for them as well.  I will miss them terribly, but I am well aware of how important this step is for their future.

My book is already being revised.  I guess it is not unusual for a book to be written and rewritten.  So I am working with the editor and revising already...... I have a feeling this is going to be a L O N G process to get this book to print.  I have spoke to Chris at the MESO foundation and I am planning to attend the symposium again in June in Washington DC.  I may speak again and I may do a break out session to help people go home with the information and more importantly the determanation to do fundraising to find a cure for mesothelioma.

My fistula is mending....slowly.  I have not been feeling great.  The medication I have been on has been difficult for me to adjust to.  I have been very tired and just not feeling "right".  I hope that my body will adjust and I will be back to "normal" soon.

I have joined a neighborhood Bunco group, so I have met some of my neighbors finally.  I am bowling better and I am going to go to the state tournament with my friends in April.  I haven't been able to do that for the last couple of years, so I am looking forward to going to that again.  I guess that is about it for now.

I hope you are all doing well.  Keep in touch! 

BELIEVING
Shelly

Karen Jacobs....are you okay?

Well it is about 11 o'clock on Thursday night and I thought I should do a quick blog since it has been way too long since the last one!

I hosted the "Solutia" party a couple of weekends ago and it was a great success. I hope to do it every couple of months.  Everyone was so glad to see each other and I was thrilled to finally see everyone together as well.  For those of you who do not know, some of the people have left Solutia, so it was like a little union.  We ate and drank and then played games until well past midnight and I think I went to bed about 1:00.

This weekend Mary Jane and Loring, from Ohio, are coming in.  I am planning on having about 10 people over.  Mary Jane and Julie Gundlach are both meso patients and we have all stayed close for many years (with their families too).  Also Lisa Blanzy and Patti are coming to look at the pictures from our trip to Europe we went on with Loring and Mary Jane.

My brother in law Lee has been sick with kidney stones for over 6 weeks.  He is going in for a second attempt to have them removed on the 17th if this month.  He has had them blasted once and is due to have them blasted again on the 10th....poor guy!  He has been in so much pain.  My mom is having cataract surgery the end of the month as well.

I also wanted to let you know that my fistula has returned   I am just being put on antibiotics and another medication for 2 weeks and then I have to go back to see the surgeon.  yuk!  But, I am hopeful that I will not have to have surgery....my concern is that my Crohn's is not going into remission with medication.  I will be talking to Dr. Cort again soon.

I am half way through chapter 5.  I am really struggling with this chapter.  I am having a hard time making the transition from Emily's elementary school years to her middle school years and all that went on during those years and the bonding we had with our friends, etc.  It is so hard to jam so much into one chapter and then try to end that chapter with the beginning of Craig's illness.  I think I have rewritten this chapter 4-5 times.


I wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day!!

BELIEVING....
Shelly

Happy New Year everyone.  I know this year HAS to be better than the last..  I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. 

Our family managed to get through Christmas quite well actually.  I was surprised.  I think we knew it was going to be very different and Emily and Kyle helped to make it special and filled with fun.  They spent the night and bought Rock Band with the Beatles addition too.  So after we had our traditional opening of the gifts and breakfast, we rocked out to the Beatles.  I have to say it was fun and I was worried how we would spend the rest of Christmas day.  I did not want it to be a sad day, as Christmas was such an important holiday for Craig.  He didn't get the nick name Clark Griswold by being a scrooge.  He had to have the biggest tree, the house decorated to the hilt and surprise gifts for all of us.

After playing Rock Band.  We had a very untraditional meal.  Emily and I made stuffed cabbage.  I tried to pass down a tradition and she was very quick as learning how to make cabbage rolls.  (one of Craig's favorite meals)  We had dinner and reminisced all through the day.  It was a wonderful holiday, considering.  Emily and Kyle helped to make sure of that.

New Years I went to a party at the Eakers.  It was great to see old friends that I hadn't seen in a very long time.

I canceled my trip to Aruba in March as I didn't have anyone to go with.  I certainly did not want to go by myself.  So now I have 3 trips I have to use by 2012!!  Any takers   I also just finished chapter 4 of my book.  So I am on track, however I think the book will be longer than 20 chapters, therefore it may take more time to finish.

I am hosting my first "party" at my house on the 23 of January for some people that Craig use to work with.  It will be nice to see them again.  I still keep in contact with them by phone or email, but I have not seen them in a long time, so I am looking forward to seeing them and having my house filled with happiness again.  I love to entertain and have not done so in so long I am really can't wait to have people over.

Well, I guess that is it for now.  Keep warm.

BELIEVING,
Shelly

Well it is Christmas Eve-Eve.  Time keeps marching on.  My tree is up, the decoration are hung and the cookies are baked. (No cards this year)  I am more in the Christmas spirit as it gets closer, but tears come to my eyes as well.  Finding Craig's stocking was tough, hanging our "First Year Together 1980" on the tree was tougher.  Certain songs are hard to listen too, but it is all part of healing and I know that.  Tears are not always sad, tears are happy too, remembering the good times, happy times.  I still miss sooo much.  Oops here come those tears!!

Emily's birthday was on December 4 and I know that what a tough day for her.  Another first.  Each first that we share is like opening a wound and waiting for it to heal again.  She and Kyle then had their first anniversary on the 13th.  Christmas is in 2 days and then HAPPY NEW YEAR!!  I just have to BELIEVE that 2010 has got to be a whole lot better that 2009. 

I did have surgery and I am still recovering.  I go back on the 31st ( New Year's Eve) to have the final drain removed and then go to Dr. Cort to figure out what kind of treatment is best for me to be on for Crohn's.  I have to say I am very upset that after 15 years of keeping my Crohn's under control it is now flaring up.  I hope I do not end up having to have more surgery or worst yet another bowel resection.

I am hoping to get together with some of Craig's work friends after the first of the year.  That would be so nice.  I miss see them.  They were such a big part of our lives and were and still are so good to me.

I have been keeping busy writing my book.  I just wrote half of chapter 4 today.  It is a long process but I hope when it comes out it is a great success and inspires many and helps fund meso research.  I am also going to be more involved with the Simmons Firm as they are going to start a Meso Foundation as well.  I hope to have an intricate role in that. 

I am also planning on going to Aruba in March.  Craig and I have a timeshare down there.  It will be my first time down there without him.  My sister Phyllis and her husband Lee may be going with me....otherwise I will be looking for someone to go with me....I don't want to go alone!!

I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy Healthy New Year.

BELIEVING

Shelly

p.s.  Jim Klopstien passed away last week.  Deb is still doing well...YEAH!  

Good News - Shelly has completed Chapter 3.  Way to go Shelly, I cannot wait to read this book.  We should start a reservation list for books fresh off the press.  (Maya if you are reading this – could you do that?)

NASTY "F" WORD - Shelly had emergency surgery Tuesday evening at Missouri Baptist Hospital.  She has a fistula and an abscess.  She doesn't know exactly what Dr. Cort did in surgery, but she has drains hanging out of her body draining bad stuff out of her.  She is on pain meds and antibiotics.  She is waiting for Dr. Cort's office to call her back with details.

When I found this out I went to my prayer closet and cried out "why Lord" I don't understand, this woman has gone through enough - please make it stop - so please join me in praying for Shelly 's quick recovery and for her to get on with living.  We all know Craig's heart on his beloved wife - he wanted her to be happy and enjoy her life after he was gone.  Did either of them want how ended up, with them be apart NO, but Craig was adamant about what Shelly was to do with her life.

She is home alone, all of us are working - I'm sick and cannot go near her - if any of you can, please call her and spend some moments with her - she was the ultimate caregiver and now needs care. 

Still believing and praying!
Carol<><

Well, the holidays are bearing down on us and I am leaving for Michigan in about 10 minutes.  I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.  This will be the beginning of our first holiday season without Craig.  Oops my ride is here....gotta go.

Write more. later,

Love to all.  Shelly

Days and months have come and gone, and I'm missing you! 

Missing my friend, co-worker, and the person that God used to show me men were okay, and they could be wonderful husbands and fathers.  

At times I can hear his voice approaching my door and I ready myself to "banter" with him (which was our norm).  I miss the "wave" - it wasn't a parade float wave - or a beauty queen wave  - he didn't move his fingers up and down.  His hand was angled sideways and it just went down with a quick whip.   

I miss his even-headediness - he was practical and straight-forward - he didn't mince words but he choose them carefully.  

I have seen him in the car next to me in my commute into work.  I had a dream that was so real, he was coming back to work after being gone for a while from being sick (like he had done in the past) but when I woke I knew my friend was not coming back.

Until the Friday just before Shelly returned from her trip I had not mourned Craig.  I had called the house before and got the answering machine with his voice...but it was that night that my heart understood my friend was gone.  The tears flowed and they have been flowing since, and that is okay because it brings healing.   

We all go through the grieving process differently, and mine was just delayed, and maybe you are or haven't grieved him; maybe by me writing this it will help you start your process or help you know it is okay to move forward.   

I'm still praying and believing,  Love you Shelly, Emily & Kyle! 

Carol<><

Well, chapter 1 is finished!  It has been edited and reworked and is now in for the final editor's ok.  However, I am sure he is going to approve since we went over the needed changes last week.  One chapter down 17 to go.  Actually I have already written chapter 2's rough draft.  I am on a 3 week cycle.  I will need to write and edit one chapter every 3 weeks to meet my deadline of Oct. 1 of next year.  That is when we would like to send my manuscript out to publishers.  If anyone has an in with a publishing company let me know.

My dad is going to be moved into the Alzheimer's unit tomorrow.  I guess he is failing quickly now.  He does not communicate too much anymore and rarely leaves his room.  I am looking forward to seeing him when I go up for Thanksgiving, yet I know it will break my heart to see him like that and worse yet, I don't think he is going to know me.  I know this will be painful for me because he has always recognized me before.  I am going to fly in and my nephew Don and his 2 little ones are going to pick me up and we are going to go have lunch and then he is taking me over to see my mom and dad.  I look forward to seeing Don and Devon and Vanessa since I have not seen them in months and they change so quickly.  I am also looking forward to spending some one on one time with my mom, she is very anxious for me to come and see her too.

I went shopping with Emily and we managed to get some of her Christmas and birthday gifts bought.  We had a really nice day.  We spent the whole day together.  We haven't done that in quite a while.

  I am not looking forward to Christmas.  I know this holiday will be hard for Emily and Kyle as well.  Craig was like a kid during Christmas.  He had to have the biggest tree, the outside lights had to be perfect, he had to shop on Christmas Eve, he just loved the holiday.  It is going to be rough to start traditions without him.  I dread finding our First Christmas Together ornament, his stocking, decorating, sending cards with just my name on it.  It is just going to be a difficult time.  Emily and Kyle are going to help me put up the tree this year so that will be a huge help.  They also promised to help me take it down....even a bigger help!  I would like to take it down on Dec. 26 like Craig and I always did, but Emily said she is just promising before she has to go back to work.

BELIEVING....Shelly

Greg:  Thanks for the note.  The weather here has been great the last 2 weeks.  I hope for a little snow while I am there.  Say hello to Mel.  Love, Shell

To the Shanty Gang:  Thanks for writing me about your night out.  I know Craig was with you in spirit.  He told me MANY stories about the Shanty and I also had the privilege of visiting that fine establishment myself.  I hope you sang "Moon River" loud and clear as I know Craig said that was a Shanty must.

Shelly,

Sounds like Europe was great. I know you'll be seeing family and friends over Thanksgiving, but based on current weather I suggest a return to Italy! We haven't seen the sun for it seems like 6 weeks.

Greg

I'm back!!  Wow, what a life experience.  I wish everyone had the chance to see Europe.  I LOVED Italy.  I want to go back someday, hopefully sooner than later and spend more time in Rome, Venice and Naples.  Although all of the ports of call were beautiful, I would have to say, Italy's were my favorite.  The one that surprised me the most was Croatia.  It was pretty amazing as well.  I could go on and on about each of them, but I would never do them justice.  I just walked around in pure awe at each countries architecture history and splendor.  It was absolutely breath taking at times.

Now that I am back, I will try to get someone to post some of my favorite pictures.  I will be going back to Michigan for Thanksgiving with Emily and Kyle (Hazel too) to see my family.  Hopefully by then I will have some pictures to post and they can help me.  I am also trying to dig through PILES of mail, emails, bills, etc., since I have gotten home.  Craig use to handle all of this stuff.  I use to just unpack and do the laundry   and I thought I had the hard job.  YIKES!

My editor read chapter one of my book and he loved it!!  I am sooo excited.  He said it needed very few changes.  He said I was a "natural writer". He obviously has never read this blog!!   The pressure is on.  He liked my detail and emotion and told me I had to keep it up through the entire book.  I just needed to rework my opening paragraph and that he would help me.  So on to chapter 2, meeting the families and getting married.

I will write more soon.

BELIEVING....Shelly

p.s. Martha's father passed away.  Jim K. is still in hospice.  And Deb R. is still fighting hard.  Thanks for your prayers!!

Shelly, Hope you are having a great time? Did Patty and Lisa corrupt you, ha ha. I hope you all had a great time. 

Wow Kyle sounds like you and Brent did well. I have trouble just walking our dog. I guess the years don't help. 

Well Shelly can't wait for you to get home I have alot to tell you. 

Phyllis and Linda - How are you guys doing? I miss everyone but Shelly keeps me in synch with everyone. 

I missed the run over in Illinois as my niece and her family was home from Alaska. They are now being stationed in CA so getting a little closer to home. 

Talk to everyone soon take care

Pam  

I am getting ready to leave for the Mediterranean.  I am all packed up (I hope) I will be leaving for 2 weeks!!   I will take lots of pictures and if someone will post them when I get back I will share a couple of my favorites.

Kyle ran the Chicago Marathon today!!  Both he and his brother Brent finished.....poor Brent injured his knee, but finished....UGH!!  I don't think I could bike 26 miles.  So I am very proud of him (both of them).  He has put in LOTS of time training for this and finished in about 3 hours 45 minutes.   Congrats Kyle and Brent.  Brent also passed the Barr exam on his first try...his is so bright.  He has a job in Chicago and will do very well for himself after working so hard at the University of Michigan to get his law degree.

I will start chapter 2 of my book when I return from my trip.  I hope it is as easy to write as chapter 1.  Well off to bed for some shut eye before the big trip. YIPPEE!!

BELIEVING....Shelly

p.s.  Martha's dad passed away yesterday.  Jim K.  has been placed in hospice care.  Please keep them and their families in your prayers.  Thanks.

p.s.s.  GO WINGS....back on track

The Meso Walk was GREAT!!  This walk was pulled together in 8 weeks.  The organizers were hoping for 200 people---we had over 500 runners and walkers!!  The weather could not have been better, cool and sunny.  Many of Emily and my friends showed up in support, thank you.  You continue to amaze me with your continued support.  Together we will find a cure!!  I am sure Craig was smiling down on us.

I finished chapter one of my book.  I hope the other chapters are as easy to recall as chapter one.  However, I was writing about happy times and crying, I can't imagine what it will be like reliving the illness and then the loss all over again.  In a way I think this will be cathartic.  It will also be nice to have everything down for my family and grandchildren to read someday.  I meet this Thursday with the editor and we are going to go over the contract, etc.

Life!  I keep moving forward.  I am getting very excited about the cruise.  I leave in 12 days....but who's counting   I have shopped and shopped some more!  I think I have a new fall wardrobe for the trip.  Kyle has been busy getting ready to apply to colleges for his doctorate.  Emily has been busy helping him, working, and teaching Hazel some cool tricks.  She is also checking out everything about every school Kyle is applying.  Cost of living, schools, housing, etc.

I am bowling again, I think I am going to join a tennis club when I get back from the cruise.  Emily and I will take lessons together.  I am missing playing.  My days have been pretty full.  I miss my family.  I wish they lived closer.  It seems harder and harder to connect.  We try, but we play phone tag!!  I love you all very much. 

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s.  Please continue to pray for Jim Klopstein, Bill Hayden and Deb Rolerkite.  Thanks.

I have officially started writing my book!  I am about half way through chapter one.  It is more emotional than I thought it would be.  I am writing about how Craig and I met and just finished about our first date and kiss.  It made me cry.  I can only imagine how tough the chapters about his illness will be.  Wish me luck!!

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s.  DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE MESO WALK THIS SATURDAY IN ALTON!!  I HOPE TO SEE A LOT OF YOU THERE.

I have been getting ready for my trip to Europe.  I cannot wait to go!! I am going with several friends for 13 days   I think I will visit 5 countries...how exciting.  I will have two of my best friends in my room, Patti and Lisa.  So the sleeping quarters will be tight, but the outings will be a blast!!

I think we will have a good (maybe great) turnout for the Meso Walk next week.  If you haven't signed up, you still can, I would LOVE to see you there.  As always, I am still fighting to help find a cure!  Too many people I love are still battling for their lives.

 Robbie and Jill Cagel and Loring and Mary Jane are coming in this weekend!  They come in tonight and will be here through Saturday.  I am really looking forward to our "little reunion".  I am also having Lisa and her husband Paul and Patti (her husband is in Alaska) over on Saturday for a pre-cruise party get together.  This way they will all know each other before the trip.  Patti'scoming over early to help make her  famous homemade pizza, salad and cheesecake are on the menu...YUM!!

I meet next week with the editor that will help me with my book.  I am going to over the details of the contract and how we get it published, etc.  I want to make sure a minimum of 25% of each book goes to the Meso Foundation in Craig's name.  I guess it usually takes a year to write a book....yikes!  I hope I can do it.  This is really going to be an emotionally challenging assignment.  But I hope it will help and inspire people in their battle of meso.   I just never considered myself a very good writer as you can tell by my blogs   I just put my thoughts out there and my brain just dumps out through my finger tips.  I hope I can somehow put them into book form??

Well I guess that is were the BELIEVING will have to come in now right?

BELIEVING...Shelly

p.s.  I have several VERY ill friends.  Please say special prayers for Jim Klopstien, Martha Klien's dad BILL & Deb Rolerkite. Thanks!

http://www.milesformesothelioma.org/

http://www.milesformesothelioma.org/register/

ENTRY FEE
100% of all entry fees go to the Meso Foundation. Plus the Simmons firm will match every entry with an additional $15 donation to the Meso Foundation!  All entry fee checks should be made out to the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation (learn more about the Foundation, a non-profit dedicated to finding a cure).

$15 if postmarked on or before September 16th
$20 if postmarked after September 16th
$25 if you register on site the day of the event

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Roxana, IL 62084

Or registrate on-line: 


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Call 877-309-6376 for more information.

 

Fund-raising continues after man's death

August 28, 2009 10:02 PM

By DAN BRANNAN

Shelly Kozicki never gives up in her push to raise funds for the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation.

Shelly and her husband, Craig, have raised more than $150,000 for mesothelioma research over the past decade.

On April 1, Shelly lost her husband after an 11-year struggle with mesothelioma. Today, she lives in St. Charles, Mo., without Craig, who she described as her "soul mate," but she is determined to raise funds to find a cure for mesothelioma.

She and Craig were married for 28 years, meeting when she was 18 and he was 24 at Monsanto in Trenton, Mich. Six weeks after they met, they were engaged.

I came in contact with the St. Charles woman through a series of articles we did about the Simmons law firm and its upcoming move to Alton. John Simmons, owner of the firm, and Mark Motley, a vice president of communications, told me about her brave and difficult struggle with her husband’s illness and how she has turned the tragedy into a triumph by raising funds for research into the terrible disease. Mesothelioma is a cancer of the lining of certain internal organs, primarily the lungs, caused by exposure to asbestos.

The Simmons firm represented Craig and Shelly in a lawsuit, and she said the firm now has become like family. Shelly said they always stay in touch with her and assist her with her mesothelioma fund-raising efforts.

"They care," Shelly said. "Jeff Cooper was assigned our case. They were compassionate and treated us with patience. I just didn’t feel they were lawyers."

Shelly’s other worthy cause is working to build awareness that the United States needs to mandate a total ban of asbestos.

Many other countries have halted asbestos from entering their borders, but the United States is lagging behind, and ultimately, it could cost Americans their lives.

Craig, 53, was a young man when he died with nothing but a bright future ahead. He was a chemical engineer at Solutia in East St. Louis. Shelly told me he always was the love of her life and that she misses him so greatly it sometimes is nearly impossible to continue on. But she does forge ahead each day, with his memory deep inside, hoping to help other families with the cancer.

It is believed that her husband, Craig, was exposed to asbestos when he was a child. Often, the latency period for the disease is 20 to 40 years. In regard to asbestos, Shelly said there is no safe level of exposure. Even a single fiber of asbestos can cause a person to develop this form of cancer.

Craig and Shelly have a daughter, Emily, and when she learned about her father’s illness at age 12, she worried whether her father would walk her down the aisle at her wedding. With the help of his wife, Craig survived long enough to walk her down the aisle to her husband, Kyle Steele.

"It was weird that one of her first questions that very first night he was diagnosed was about her father walking her down the aisle when she got married," Shelly said. "Craig pushed himself to stay alive, and after her wedding, he really made a downturn. Emily was definitely a daddy’s girl. She was the apple of his eye, and her dad was her hero."

Chris Hahn, the executive director for the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation, said Shelly and Craig Kozicki are special people.

"Craig was a symbol of hope that people can live with mesothelioma and that it is not a death sentence," he said. "He showed there are programs and treatment options with the disease. She is definitely an amazingly strong and dedicated person."

Shelly’s plan is to not stop the momentum she has started with raising funds for mesothelioma.

"I promised Craig that I would continue," she said. "I now receive phone calls from throughout the nation. I think our story gives hope to people who are dealing with this. People are often still told they have six months to get their affairs in order. There is hope, and there are doctors out there now that can help. This is something I will do until the day I die."

To learn more about Shelly’s fund-raising push, visit www.craigkozicki.com or contact her at (636) 284-9881.

Shelly,

Just wanted you to know that, in honor of Craig, the old Shanty Gang (or "Craig's Buddies" as Mr. K always called us) got together last night at "The Shantie" in Warren (the old "Shanty" in Hazel Park is no longer a bar).  Although Peat and Francis couldn't make it, Don, Doug, Billy, Nelson, Tim, Doug McKinney and I were there, having a few beers and Black Bun Specials, reminiscing about old times.  There were truly times when it felt like Craig was there as we reached back a few decades in time, laughing at the mostly inane things we did back in high school and college.

For what it is worth, we did talk about the fact that some of us are still checking the blog periodically to see how you, Emily and Kyle are doing and that you still post entries on occasion.  Our main interest is that you, Emily and Kyle are doing well, and it sounds like you are.  From our perspective, it's great that you continue to blog on occasion because it helps some of us stay connected, but you shouldn't feel obligated to continue.  We just want you to know that we all think of you and are here for support, even it is it only through our thoughts and prayers from many miles away.

Take care,
Tush

P.S. - Please pray for Tim Milligan's wife, Nancy, who is battling brain cancer.  While we have always been impressed with your strength as you and Craig went through his battle, none of us have had the experience to truly know what you have gone through.  Tim says he now has a greater appreciation for your role in the journey.

First of all, I didn't think people were reading anymore so I stopped blogging.  Come to find out, my blogs have been missed

So I will try to catch you up.... Craigbird is no longer coming.   The first night I cried and then I thought he realized that I didn't need to be watched so closely.  That I was doing ok on my own.  So now I look for him on occasion, but he has never returned.  But, I am doing better each and every day.  Feeling stronger, more independent and feeling like I am finding MY way in the world.  I know Craig would be proud of me!

Emily and Kyle are doing well too.  Kyle is applying to Grad Schools all over the country to become a Professor in History.  It is his dream and I hope that he gets accepted to the school of his choice. He is also training for the Chicago Marathon, which takes place in October.  He is a running maniac.   Hazel is getting bigger by the day and she loves her grammy   Emily is busy with work, enjoying the puppy and we have been trying to spend more time together, which has been very nice.  

The Simmons Firm is somehow involved with opening a Hospice Center in Illinois.  They called me and asked me if they could name a room, or suite or wing after Craig.  It would be" The Craig Kozicki -----"  Needless to say, after I choked back a few tears, I told them it would be an honor.  It will be dedicated in Feb. and I will go then to the dedication.  His name and his legacy continues to go on!!

I was just interviewed for a "Human Interest Story" that is going to run in "The Telegraph".  It is a paper out of Alton, IL.  If you would like to read it I know you can pull it up.  If I knew how I could set up a link??? Duh!

Now for the BIG news for me.  The Chief Editor of the paper has helped write and publish several books.  Well, he was fascinated by our family's story and would really like me to write a book.  I told him several people over the years have told Craig or I or both, that we should write a book.  So, I am going to read a couple of the books he has published.  If I like them, I think I will write our story as an inspirational book.  (First person)  I will then have some (not sure how this works) of the proceeds go to the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation to Craig's Grant.  It will be an on going fundraiser.  I am going to talk to MARF to see if they will help market the book as well. 

I am still working with the Meso Foundation and doing the Hope Center.  I am also still waiting for my new venture with the Simmons Firm to take off. (I am really excited about that)  So I think I will get busier and busier over the next several months.  I am keeping my promise to stay involved and hopefully make a difference.

ALSO, I am going on my Mediterranean cruise with my friends soon....Yippee!!

I will try to do a better job at the blog....I just thought people weren't reading

Believing....Shelly      (I think my book title should be BELIEVING....What do you think??)

I just went to see my brother Doug and his family in Lake Tahoe about 10 days ago.  It was a short but very nice visit.  I was able to spend one on one time with each of my nephews and their girlfriends, as well as my niece her husband and 6 month old son Ben.  I also spent a day with my brother going around the entire lake.  It was a beautiful day and we stopped at Emerald Bay and I also got him to go up in a para sail.  We had the option of 600' or 1200', of course I picked 1200' and it was a gorgeous view of the lake and mountains.  My brother would have been happy at 600'   Once he relaxed a bit and stopped worrying that they was no "safety line" I think he enjoyed it as well.

Then they through a birthday party for my nephew Joe on Sat.  It was a "white trash" themed party!!   So we ALL dressed the part. I completed my outfit with a black bra and a white "wife beater" tee.  Not to mention the much over done makeup and hair teased into knots.  It was fun and even got a knock on the door by the cops at one point.... But they left and when they realized we were just having a good time!

Craigbird:  Thanks for posting him Phyllis.  Yes he still comes faithfully.  Still has not missed a day.  Now here is a weird story.  My brother has a small bathroom off of his laundry room.  That I never use.  However, the night of the party the other bathrooms were full, so I went in there.  Hanging on his wall was a close up 5 x 7 picture of a Craigbird.  Just a bird in a white frame.  I went out and asked my brother if he knew that he had that picture....he didn't even know what I was talking about.  Of all the birds to have in his bathroom and the chance of me seeing it the night before I left and him not even realizing it was in there....another sign!!!  Craigbird was with me in Tahoe too! 

I am trying to put my life back in gear.  It is difficult to do when you are not sure which direction your life will be taking.  When you always had a plan, a dream, and someone who ALWAYS supported you in all of those things is gone....It really sucks.  I wish I could just feel supported, loved unconditionally again and happy.  I have to BELIEVE those days will come...but they seem so far off.

believing....Shelly